Part 3 - Re-Wired

I was referred to a Urologist in Austin and made an appointment. I showed up in the doctors office a little early for my appointment two weeks later. I was a little uncomfortable in the waiting room as I was the only patient under that age of 85. I've decided that a Urologist has the worst job in the world.

Tangent: Dirty Jobs from the Discover Channel should really consider an episode visiting a Urologist.

Anyway, I am called back and asked to pee in a cup. I do and am directed to a well decorated office full of Aggie paraphernalia - must be a cool guy. The doctor joins me after a few minutes and asks quite a few questions about our sex life. After the Inquisition he invites me back to an exam room and asks me to drop my pants. I oblige and before I can say "its freezing in here" he's pulling on my potatoes like he's milking a cow. I make the joke "Shouldn't you buy me dinner first". His response is limited to a glare that assures me he hears this joke daily.

Long story short...everything seems ok... not for the lack of looking I assure you... but I need a sonogram to look for a varicocele. A varicocele is a common problem that causes limited blood flow in the testicles.

I find myself in a dark room in two weeks with a guy greasing up my cojones and looking at a sonogram monitor. We spend an extremely long 7.532 minutes in the dark room and don't once make eye contact. I opt not to make my "buy me dinner" joke as its not even funny to me now. I return to work an hour later with a pair of swishy nads feeling like a cheap whore on a walk of shame.

The results return and I find out I need surgery to re-wire the blood flow to the old stones. The decision to go ahead with the surgery was an easy one. A baby is more important that a couple weeks of pain. To make it easier I find out the incision will be just below my waistline and not on my actual eggs... SCORE!

A month later the surgery goes well and the waiting game starts to determine if it worked. See, sperm that is in the shoot today was created 70 days ago so to determine how things are we gotta wait.

My first test took place around 80 days later the news wasnt great. I expected a huge jump in horsepower and got little more than a hop. At this point, the process is starting to get really frustrating. But the good news is that I can now go into a doctors office and rub out a sample in no time. If pressed I bet I could get one off between floors in an elevator. I got a new skill. I really need to update my resume with this one.

Like butter... you are on a roll: Part 4 - Dr. DipShitz