The holidays have come and gone without much to speak about. The down time gave me lots of time to think about being a dad. I use the word “dad” instead of “father” intentionally. Father insinuates some sort of wisdom about life that I don’t think I have attained in my 33 years. Dads teach their kids how to ride bikes and make fart noises with their armpit. Fathers teach their children about work ethic and the importance of investing. I'll stick with "Dad" for now.
I do, however, have 10 things that I will make damn sure my children know. I’ve put 30+ years into developing this list... so pay attention:
- Never, ever, get on an elevator until the people getting off are off.
- No one likes a cheap bastard. Always buy the first round, give gifts for no reason, pick up dinner for no reason.
- You don’t deserve an award for participating. Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not.
- Strippers lie.
- Only idiots scream into Nextel phones or use the speaker from 2 inches away. Put the damn thing against your ear.
- The left lane is for passing only... ONLY!
- Never leave the bar before it closes. No one likes a quitter.
- A punch in the Adam’s apple will knock the biggest guy down long enough for the fight to be broken up or for you to run away.
- You never "need" a drink. You just "want" a drink really bad.
- All you truly have control over is your integrity. Spend your whole life trying to maintain it.
I hope that having children will give me some essence of wisdom… but for today... I’ll settle for the list of hard lessons I learned.
