Part 6 - Slow Pain!

Throughout the next few weeks we visit the doctor to check on Christi’s eggs. You heard me… eggs… plural. The medication forces Christi’s ovaries to produce eggs… a lot of eggs. Within a couple weeks Christi has over 20 eggs in her basket.

Thus far, Christi administered her own shots. Luckily for me, I did not need to be involved but that was changing. We attended the usual doctor’s appointment expecting the usual, “things look good”. Instead, I got a surprise, “things look good and start the Progesterone shots tonight”. WHAT?!?! Tonight? I need time to prepare, it’s too soon. I expected some time to practice on oranges or the dog or something. I need more time!

That drive home seemed to take forever. When I got home... I realized it wasn’t long enough. We decided to do the shot shortly after dinner. My fork was shaking so badly, I nearly lost an eye. Think Daniel, think. What were the instructions the nurse gave you?

1. Spread out the skin
2. Stick fast
3. Pull the plunger out and look for blood to make sure you didn’t hit a vein... YUK
4. Push the plunger in slowly

Christi prepares the shot and wields the needle like a Samurai warrior in front of my face. I consider buying protective goggles for next time.

She leans over the bed and exposes the part of her hip where the nurse drew the bulls-eye in Magic Marker. Yes, we wanted to make sure we hit the right spot so the nurse did a little “butt art”. I, shaking like Robin Williams at rehab, get ready to move in for the kill.

In my nervousness, I forget step 2. Instead of sticking fast… I slowly push the needle into the butt. Amongst Christi’s eardrum shattering screams I can feel the needle passing through each layer of skin and muscle. I push in the plunger and pull out the needle to see Christi glaring over her shoulder. Flames shooting from her eye sockets as she screams… YOU HAVE TO GO FAST!

I take a few punches to the arm from tiny fists that normally hurt. This time… they did not hurt because I knew I had made it through the process without passing out. YEAH ME!

NEXT! Part 7

Part 5 - The Schedule

One of the most important things you get as part of the IVF process is "The Schedule". The Schedule will guide us through the process from beginning to pregnancy and covers roughly six weeks and is extremely detailed. To get our schedule, we met with Leann a nurse in Dr. Vaughn's office. It was Leann's job to give us an overview of the entire process. This was very challenging for Leann since Christi and I dont do well with "overviews". We need to understand the entire process and commit it to memory before we can move forward. Leann was very patient with us and the rapid fire of questions we threw at her.

She walked us through the complex process that included several drugs, including but not limited to:

• Aspirin
• Valium
• Estrogen
• Gonal F
• Lupron
• Subcutaneous injections
• Inter-muscular injections
• HSG
• MSG
• ESPN
  

I was assigned the duties of shot-giver. This was especially nerve racking since I have been know to pass out (a much more masculine term than faint) at the sight of blood and/or needles. I need all the masculinity I can get at this point. I made it through the instructions without passing out - a good start!

We signed a mountain of paper work and left extremely confused, well, I was confused. Christi committed the entire process to memory immediately. See... Christi has an amazing ability to store information on a file in memory. This little file was marked "Fertility Drugs" and stored on her brain's desktop for quick access should she need to correct me or a nurse. To unlock this file Christi uses the magic words "No, you said..." Its like open-sesame on estrogen.

Like most men, I store ridiculous files on my brains desktop:

• All the words to the theme song from the 80s TV show "The Fall Guy"
• Every line from the following movies: Caddyshack, Anchorman, Friday, and Vacation
• Stitches on a baseball: 108
• Ted Williams career batting average: 344
  

Three days later a box (nay crate) the size of a Volkswagen bus appeared via UPS. In the box came enough drugs to supply Kate Moss for the remainder of her modeling career. The first step was to administer a single shot of Lupron each morning. This shot was a tiny needle less than a half inch long inserted into her stomach. Christi was nervous for the first shot but after that, it was easy. Like Barry Bonds, each morning and night Christi injected herself with hormones. We knew the date was looming when I would have to take over the shot responsibilities.

On to Slow Pain